The Great Razor Blade Rip-Off

I went to buy razor blades the other day.

Just the blades. Not a new razor. I already own a razor. It works perfectly well. It's been with me longer than some of my relationships.

So I wandered down the aisle, found the little packet of replacement blades, looked at the price…

And had to hold on to the shelf.

Then, right next to it, I spotted the starter pack.

A brand new handle. Plus blades. Plus a shiny plastic tray built to survive a nuclear blast.

For less money.

Less.

So let me get this straight. The handle is free, and you're paying me to take it?

Somebody signed this off

Somewhere, in a boardroom, a man in a very expensive suit decided this was a good idea.

"Here's the plan," he said. "We give them the handle for next to nothing. Then we charge them a small fortune for the blades for the rest of their lives."

And everyone in the room nodded. And somebody probably got a bonus.

It's the oldest trick in the shop. Get you hooked on the handle, then price the blades like they're made of saffron.

Fair enough. Clever business. I'll give them that.

But then why sell a starter pack, handle included, for less than the blades on their own?

You've built an entire business around making the blades expensive, and then you've undercut yourself with a free handle.

That's not a business model. That's a dare.

The bathroom drawer of shame

So naturally I bought the starter pack. Of course I did. I'm not made of money.

Which means I now own two razor handles.

Next time, three.

Give it a year and my bathroom drawer will look like a museum of men's grooming. Handles as far as the eye can see. Every one of them perfectly fine. Every one of them completely pointless.

Now multiply that by every bloke in Britain standing in the same aisle, doing the same sum, coming to the same conclusion.

That's a lot of plastic handles nobody needed.

Meanwhile, the planet

We're told to bring our own bags. Rinse out our yoghurt pots. Feel guilty about a plastic straw.

Then the shop rewards you for buying a whole extra handle you'll never use, sealed in enough packaging to wrap a sofa.

I sort my recycling into four different bins like I'm defusing a bomb.

And I'm meant to bin a perfectly good razor handle because it saves me a couple of quid?

Turtles, I'm sorry. It was cheaper.

Just sell me the blades

I'm not asking for much.

Price the blades sensibly.

Or let me buy the starter pack without feeling like I've been mugged in reverse.

Or, wild idea, make the blades cost less than the thing that comes with the blades.

I've had three pints and even I can see the problem.

The verdict from the cubicle

So here's where I've landed.

The handle is basically free. The blades are basically gold. And the cheapest way to buy blades is to buy blades with a handle attached.

Somewhere there's a spreadsheet that explains all of this perfectly.

I just don't want to see it.

Because if I read it, I've got a horrible feeling I'll understand it. And then I'll go and buy another starter pack anyway.

In the meantime, if anyone needs a razor handle, I've got about seven.